Stealing servants, stealing hearts
by Groulien
Summary: It's been a week since the jousting tournament, from The Once and Future Queen, and Morgana is annoyed by Arthur who keeps stealing her maid. But then Arthur suggests they swap servants and Morgana accepts his challenge. Merlin/Morgana, light Arthur/Gwen
1. The Stolen Maid

**The stolen maid**

_Gwen, Gwen, Guinevere where are you?_

Morgana walks down the castle corridor once more in seach of her maid who should've been back ages ago. Gwen had been acting a bit out of character ever since the jousting tournament. First there was the humming, then there were the times she was lost in thought and now she had forsaken her duties. It wasn't like Gwen to do that, not like her at all, if anything Gwen was too dutifull so it made Morgana very curious as to what better things she had to do than tend to the King's ward. Sighing and looking around once more she found Merlin carrying a bucket cointaining a bunch of brushes, he had probably just finished polishing the Prince's armour.

"Merlin, do you know where I can find Gwen?"  
"Gone again, is she?" On several occasions where Gwen had been late Merlin had been so kind as to help out and did so quite well as a matter of fact, not quite understanding why Arthur thought he was clumsy.  
"Last time you sent her on an errand she also ran an errand for Arthur."  
Morgana mumbled: "Arthur, what are you doing with my servant."  
Merlin quickened his pace to keep up with her.  
"I'll let him know you're looking for her."  
"You're too good to him, Merlin. He deserves to get a piece of my mind."  
Merlin knew what was going to happen, Morgana would see Arthur and Gwen kissing and all hell would break loose. The manservant quickened his pace once more, to move before Morgana, and as he opened the door he slammed the metal bucket against the wall just in time for him to see the two break away from each other so Morgana would not.

"Merlin-" Arthur spoke annoyed but was cut off by an angry stare from Morgana.  
"Arthur Pendragon, would you mind telling me why you sent _my_ servant on an errand and not Merlin?"  
"Merlin drops things."  
"Such as?"  
Arthur wasn't really prepared for that and neither he nor Merlin could come up with a proper answer.  
"Cheese... Strawberries," _Come on, think!_ "He drops all sorts of things." A very wild stab and Morgana didn't buy it.  
"Whatever it is you're having her do, if this goes on we might as well trade servants." Morgana joked. But Arthur took the idea seriously and reveled at the prospect of having Gwen as _his_ maid and Merlin stumble around as hers.  
"So Guinevere would be my servant and Merlin yours, frankly, I like the sound of it. How about we try it?"  
Morgana frowned at his challenge in confusion but then smiled wondering what it would be like. Would Merlin be up to the challenge?  
"If they're alright with it." Morgana wasn't even done speaking when Merlin simply dropped the bucket and answered 'done'. Gwen also nodded in agreement and Arthur grinned like Merlin would.  
"Then it's settled, Gwen is now my servant and Merlin yours."

**AN:**

We know the chores Arthur gives Merlin but what chores does Morgana usually give Gwen?

This first chapter is mainly just pitching the idea, positive and constructive reviews would be very much appreciated.


	2. Morgana's Chores

**Morgana's chores**

It had been a bold move to accept Arthur's challenge, perhaps even reckless considering she wasn't supposed to have a male servant, but she knew Merlin and she trusted him. Much like Arthur, Morgana had duties of her own. She correspondent with lords and ladies from different lands and receive the guests when they were present, today there were none. Still she insisted that they check the kitchen. It was her responsability guests wouldn't be poisoned, underwhelmed or that allergies weren't taken under consideration.

Morgana told him she wouldn't be needing him for the rest of the day so Gwen could teach him whatever skills he lacked. Serving Morgana was, of course, a bit different from serving Arthur. Gwen who began to instruct Merlin what Morgana spent most of her time doing and it was more than he thought it would be. The day began, for Morgana's servant and if need be, with mending dresses. Thankfully it wasn't actually necessary so Gwen taught him how by tearing up some of Arthur's old clothes, Merlin kept those to mend those in Arthur's closet. Of course Merlin already knew how to sew but Morgana's dresses required a lot more finesse. Gwen was a great seamstress and a great teacher so Merlin got the hang of it pretty quickly. His hands were made for the softer things in life such as magic and books, not that of swinging a sword around all day.

Then he and Gwen took a quick peek at the enormous amount of invitations Morgana received from lords across Camelot. Gwen discussed but few invitations with Morgana and would do this after breakfast, she said he could pretty much decline all of them unless they were on _the list_, those were either close allies or enemies skilled at playing politics. But declining wasn't a simple 'no' and Merlin was worried about his etiquette, thankfully Gwen had a way with words and gave him a couple of rewritten letters as examples need he write anything.

Gwen wished Merlin luck as they parted ways at the staircase, Merlin made his way to Morgana's room and waited in front of the door. Barging in like he did with Arthur didn't seem like a good idea at all, knocking before entering was probably best.  
"Enter." Came the voice from the other side. She was still in bed, that was one trait the two she and Arthur shared. The Lady of Camelot gave him a warm smile as he was clearly a bit nervous.  
"Good morning." He said, trying to take the edge off.  
"Good morning." She returned as she stretched and then tilted her head studying him. She never looked at him like that, he didn't even know if it was a good or a bad thing.  
"Is something wrong, milady?" He asked using the etiquette his 'good morning' did not.  
"No, it's just strange to have you as my servant."  
"If it's uncomfortable we could just go back to the way it was, milady."  
"The 'milady' is uncomfortable, the rest is fine. Just treat me like you treat Arthur." She quickly realised she shouldn't have said that. Merlin wouldn't take advantage of it, would he?  
"I have to flip his mattress to get him out of bed. You don't suggest I do that to you, do you?"  
"No, but I wonder how Gwen will manage that." Merlin thought of three scenarios;

One, she flipped the mattress and he's wide awake.  
Two, she flipped him and he kept on sleeping.  
Three, _they_ flipped and he's on top, probably that one.

They didn't talk much throughout breakfast, mostly about Gwen telling Merlin what chores were regular. Morgana had to dress, of course, and he averted her eyes by turning his back towards her. He still kept his ears opens while his mind kept making attempts to wander off to his other tasks.  
"Merlin, could you help me with the laces?" She had positioned her barely covered back towards him and, for a moment, his thoughts wandered off to somewhere they weren't supposed to go, but still with Morgana. He was a bit nervous but _she _was showing _him_ and he was her servant, he would be loyal and respect her.

It was nice to feel different hands tighten the laces of her dress. Gwen had done it so many times it was usually done without thought and within seconds. It took Merlin considerably more time as he didn't know how tight she wanted it but she didn't rush him even though her back was getting a bit cold. Then his warm hand brushed her back and she shivered.  
"It tickles." She smiled, not that she minded the warmth.  
"Sorry." he apologized. She saw he was a bit flustered, always an adorable sight. Such was Merlin, an honest heart with an open face. Would Uther kill him if he were to enter right now? It was a very moody thought and enough motivation for him to make haste with the laces.

The next thing on the list was going doing some errands for Morgana, she didn't feel like shopping for pretty things so this was a chore easily done. He did however meet Gwen there, not very strange since Arthur would usually be out hunting at this time.

"Merlin!" She exclaimed as he walked over to the stall she was standing by.  
"Gwen, how's Arthur?"  
"Fine, he's out hunting with some of the knights."  
"Had any trouble getting him out of bed?"  
"I wouldn't really call it trouble..." _Option three_ "but how were things with Morgana this morning?"  
"Fine." Melin stated though to Gwen such a short answer, which was unlike him, made it painfully clear he had something to hide.  
"_Fine?_ So she didn't ask you to..." Her smile said more than enough, how did women know these things?  
"Alright, I was terrified. What if Uther walked in? He doesn't know we've changed places."  
"Don't worry, Morgana would never let him." She reassured him.  
"I'm sorry Gwen but I have to get a move on, I still have to pick up a few things for Gaius." She nodded, understanding that Gaius would have him clean the leech tank if he didn't do his chores on time, and Merlin went back to his errands.

Once back at the castle he and Morgana had to inspect the dinner preparations as they had done the day before, which was a tedious and menial task as all they really did was making sure everything was in stock.

And then there was the fifth chore, if one could call it such, Gwen didn't tell him about for she thought Morgana would never make him do it.  
"Will that be all, milady?" Merlin asked, he didn't know what other use he would to her at this hour and really wanted to get working on the letters.  
"No."  
"Oh..." Merlin let slip and he mentally facepalmed himself for doing it.  
"You thought you were done?" She asked not surprised at all, she already knew what was going on.  
"Gwen told me about the dinner preparations and lastly about having to write letters, I must've forgotten what happens inbetween." Merlin didn't forget, both of them knew that, he just didn't want to blame Gwen for not telling him what would happen inbetween.  
"Guinevere..." Morgana sighed. Back in her chambers Morgana became curious as to how good Merlin was though she doubted he would match Guinevere's skill anytime soon, lord knows it took her (Gwen) ages to get the hang of it. The King's ward was smarter than to just tell him what to do, around men women always had to be a bit more cunning, especially when that man was a slightly awkward and lanky manservant. She told him to get a bottle of red wine. It seemed strange she asked him when they were already upstairs when she could've done it right after dinner. Still, Arthur once made him walk for an hour moving food and drinks up and down the castle. What Arthur never did, and Morgana did do now, was share a drink with him. Morgana was very careful as she only wanted Merlin to be slightly intoxicated and not singing like a sailor or getting clumsy. For as long as he remained sober their conversation were filled with rather idle chatter until the alcohol set in.

"I never knew you and Gwen drank wine."  
"We usually don't but I think I'd best tell you this over a drink."  
"Tell me what?"  
"After dinner Gwen and I usually practice dancing."  
He coughed, choking in his wine, as he understood she wanted to dance with him, she would have dismissed him if she had no more use for him. Morgana thought it cute that a few simple words can startle a man like that and him being all flustered made it even cuter. The wine, however, might not have been such a good idea after all.  
"It's been a while since I last danced... properly." And dancing 'properly' is what she wanted to do. Gwen, being raised by a blacksmith, had learned a great deal about armour but lacked a certain finesse because of it. Now the two women had danced together for years and Gwen had caught up without much difficulty. Merlin however, would probably be a different story altogether. He asked which dance she wanted to dance, apparantly he agreed to dance with her, and as soon as they finished their wine he followed her onto the cold stone floor. Merlin felt both excited and terrified, he was going to dance with the Lady of Camelot and probably end up making a fool of himself but it was an opportunity he might get only once. Having a good sense of rhythm was required as there was no actual music to dance to and so Morgana would soon discover if Merlin really was as clumsy as Arthur made him out to be.

Taking their positions Merlin sighed and Morgana could not tell whether it he was nervous or reluctant to dance. They took their first steps and Merlin was indeed a bit clumsy but he _did_ know the dance and soon enough Morgana noticed he actually danced quite well. The dancing went on for a while and not a word was spoken and everything was quiet save for their footsteps. Afterwards she asked Merlin why he danced so well, a compliment that did not go unnoticed, he seemed a bit shy but explained he was Gwen's exact opposite. Like Gwen's father had taught her a lot about armour, Merlin's mother had taught him how to dance.

Morgana could hardly wait to tell Gwen that Merlin could dance, it seemed strange Gwen not knowing it since they were good friends and all that.

The next day Merlin was thankful he didn't have to mend any dresses as it gave him time to practice sewing which was far from perfect though still good enough for Arthur's rags. Dancing with Morgana the night before had come as a surprise and not an unwelcome one at that. His mother had originally taught him dancing so he would be less clumsy and it had worked, until he came to Camelot and the thought of dancing with Gaius made him sick. Will had teased him about it at times and Merlin felt sad he would never get the chance to tell his good friend he had danced with the most beautiful woman in all of Camelot._ Funny._ He thought, as while he was dancing with her he hadn't thought of it like that at all, he was _just _Merlin who was _simply_ dancing with Morgana.

Serving Morgana's breakfast was easy enough and so was going through the invitations but the letters to be sent, mainly of refusal, were not good enough and he knew that. Helping her with the laces of her dress still involved a bit of accidental skin contact but she didn't really minded. Then Morgana had chosen to surprise her manservant by again by telling she did not want to send him on an errand or go to the market with her but wanted to practice her sword fighting like Arthur did. This was something she had never asked of Gwen and thus Gwen hadn't told him about it. He didn't refuse knowing that Morgana would probably be a lot more merciful with him than Arthur was. And he was right, at least, at first he was. After the second 'round' she felt a little bit like making conversation.  
"Is this how you usually practice with Arthur?" She asked.  
"More or less, can you really beat Arthur in a duel?" It was meant as an ordinary question, Arthur really was a great swordsman, but seeing Morgana mouth make a perfect 'o' he realised he might've pushed it a bit too far. Then, when the 'o' became a cheeky grin, he _knew_ he had gone too far. She stopped holding back and pushed harder and much faster than she did before. It didn't take long before she had the upper hand and he fell onto his back in defeat.  
"Arthur's been a bad influence on you." She smiled.  
"I could say the same of you." He chuckled.

The routine caught on again as they inspected the kitchen, dined (separately), danced and later that night Merlin went over a few of the letters with Gwen.

* * *

**AN:**

It's 0:39 in the morning and thank god for black backgrounds.  
This is probably my most polished writing (not chapter) so far.

This chapter is just a base so you understand what the dynamics are between Merlin and Morgana, that a clever remark won't be minded (and she may actually like it) but won't go unanswered either.


	3. To Feel and Understand

**AN:**

Sacred3:

I understand what you mean (I see it in a lot of FF) but when I read a book I don't see every sentence start on a new line or having 'he/she said' at the end of it, so I try to maintain a book-ish style.

But trying not to be a complete prat (which you might think I am right now) I'm going to explain how I write my dialogue.

When I write one-on-one dialogue I usually make them take turns like this:  
"Prat." The manservant muttered.  
"Merlin?" Arthur turned to his manservant.  
"Yes, Arthur?"  
"Shut up."  
"Shutting up."

With lengthy or interrupted dialogue, I do it like this:  
"Well," Merlin began but seeing the look in Arthur's eye, he changed his mind "never mind."

^This is interrupted dialogue which I resume later on, still on the same line.

or like this:  
"You can't do that!" Merlin shouted. Arthur turned away but Merlin wasn't going to be ignored.  
"His royal pratness thinks himself to good for the common folk, is that it?" Merlin kept shouting.

^Here I'm being explicit with who is saying what to (try to) keep things reasonably clear.

**But I do thank you for reviewing my story and I'll be sure to keep an eye out to make sure it is more clear who says what.**

* * *

**To Feel and Understand**

Merlin sat in the chambers next to Morgana's writing the letters declining the offers of so many nobles. Some of them wanted to court her, others invited her to a feast and she refused all of them. Gwen had left hours ago but had been a great help as she knew a few tricks to make the words seem less empty with something of a personal approach.

Then came a cry or yelp from the other room, Morgana's. Merlin rushed to her door and entered without knocking. She was sitting upright, holding the blankets so tightly her knuckles were white, and her head was shaking as if she were looking for something.

"Morgana?" Merlin asked, gaining her prompt attention. He knew of her nightmares and there was no doubt in his mind that she just woke up from one.  
"It's alright, I'm fine." She said. Morgana was a strong woman and seeing her scared like that made him feel sorry for her. He knew her as the cheerful, bright and proud Lady of Camelot but now she was a scared little girl.  
"You don't look fine." He said concerned. Strong as she may have tried to be even she would have her 'weaker' moments where one would simply need to comfort her. Gwen usually dealt with it but in the back of his mind he doubted it had helped much.  
"Merlin, I'm okay, go to bed." Gwen never left her rattled like this and he wasn't going to let himself get sent to bed.

Morgana would say _I'm fine_ even if she had a sword sticking out of her.

He walked over to the bed, sat down at the edge of it and looked at her with those very considerate blue eyes of his.  
"You never get used to it, do you?" He asked. The question came as a surprise. Gaius always asked _when_ the nightmares occured, Gwen asked _what_ it was and try to comfort her by telling her it was _just a dream_ and Morgana would have to smile a fake smile as it didn't really help. Uther didn't have to deal with her when she was like this and neither did Arthur, she didn't blame the latter but at times Uther didn't even seem to care. All the question, they were always _how_, _what_, _when_ or _why_ but that wasn't even the worst of it, the worst was they always asked about the dreams and the only question about her would be 'how do you feel', like that solved anything.

Until now. Merlin was the first to actually empathize and notice how horrid the dreams were, it was like he understood what she felt like.  
"Never." She shuddered, despite his understanding she still didn't want to think about it.  
"Do you ever have a good dream?" He asked.  
"It's rare but I do have them." Everyone knew she had nightmares and simply assumed she never had good dreams. Then again, Merlin wasn't everyone.  
"What was the last one like?"  
It was a bit of an odd question but he hadn't gotten it wrong so far, and so she told him of the dream in which Gwen emptied a bucket of water on Arthur by accident, something Merlin knew had actually happened in the past but didn't let on he knew. It wasn't a very long story but at the end of it Merlin could see a shy smile on her face.  
"Feel better?" He then asked and Morgana chuckled realising what Merlin had done, he really was something else. Arthur's- No, _her_ manservant had drawn her attention away from the nightmare and made her feel better, he even got her to smile. Why hadn't anyone else ever talked with her like this?

Merlin really was the only one who know how to empathize with her.  
"Yes, thank you."  
They said goodnight and for the and for once she went to sleep hoping for a good dream instead of fearing the nightmares.

The wooden door to the physician's chamber opened with a creak.  
"Merlin?" Gaius asked blinking with his eyes as he struggled to see through the light coming from the door. Merlin had tried to avoid waking him like he always had but apparently today was not such a day.  
"Sorry." He mumbled as he tried to find his way in the dark. He would've conjured up a bit of light but Gaius wouldn't allow it.  
"When you said you would be late I thought it would be an hour at the most."  
"I was busy writing letters." Merlin explained.  
"To whom?" _Busted_, Merlin hadn't told Gaius he was now Morgana's servant.  
"Could we talk about this tomorrow, I think we both need our rest." Merlin tried to avoid answering.  
"You most certainly will as you'll be cleaning the leech tank for me." Gaius said, though he did go back to sleep like Merlin hoped he would.

The next morning he brought Morgana breakfast as usual and they went through the invitations and such as she ate. He had gotten up earlier that morning to sneak past Gaius and had done so successfully, no uneasy questions.  
"You have an invitation from lord Agon. He is organising a feast for his anniversary of 25 years as a lord." Merlin summarized.  
"Him again, bothersome toad. The answer is no but don't be too harsh, Uther wants to keep him close because he's on good terms with Bayard."  
"Like this?" Merlin handed her his letter. On _the list_, which was made by Gwen, it said 'deny' and 'political influence'.

_Dear lord Agon... congratulations... honoured to receive your invitation... I unfortunately have to decline for I do not wish to miss the birthday of Prince Arthur Pendragon..._

"I almost forgot Arthur's birthday is next week already." She might've almost forgotten but Merlin didn't and how could he? The prat had been mentioning it to everyone over the last month and thankfully Merlin had been able to catch a break as Morgana's manservant.  
"And the letter?" Merlin asked as that was his original question and caught her a bit off guard, not that she let it show.  
"Splendid, no reason for him to be upset at all."  
With Morgana being at ease and all, Merlin thought she might allow him to cut a teeny, tiny bit of slack so he could run an extra errand for someone else.  
"Would you mind if I were a bit later with the dinner preparations? Gaius wanted me to gather some herbs from the forest." He asked.  
"Would _you_ mind if I tag along?" She asked, never ceasing to amaze her manservant with her spontaneous behaviour.  
"Not at all, I'll go saddle the horses."

The horse ride wasn't especially interesting but Merlin was smiling internally, he knew she would like where they were going. The herbs Gaius told him to gather were near an old grove, not a religious one mind you. He could've gotten the herbs a bit closer to Camelot but then they wouldn't see the beauty of the grove, the difference in time was a negligible 10 minutes for the hour they spent riding.

They arrived at the grove and Morgana brought her horse to a halt as she seemed awestruck by its beauty[*1]. The grove wasn't just a bunch of trees and a patch of grass, it was huge and so densely packed with daisies and buttercups it seemed more like a giant flowerbed.

"I thought you might like it." Merlin said as he rode past her.  
"Like it? It's beautiful." She said as she dismounted and tied her horse to one of the trees, followed by Merlin who did the same not far from hers.  
"Does it work often?" She asked him.  
"What do you mean 'does it work'?"  
"On the girls you fancy, does it impress them?"  
"You tell me, you're the first person I've ever brought here." Merlin was glad he wasn't facing her, he was looking for the herbs, as his face would've betrayed the absolute embarrassment he was in underneath it all. What if she thought she was one of those girls he fancied? The 'you tell me' had taken Morgana a bit off guard and for a moment she did indeed think Merlin might fancy her. But she was the only _person_ he had ever brought there thought it seemed a bit unlikely.  
"Surely there have been others before me." She said, the disbelief clear in her voice.  
"This far from Camelot?" He made a good point, even on horseback it had taken them a whole hour. She laid down between the flowers and looked at the sun desperately trying to reach the flowers beneath the brances of the trees. She couldn't help but smile. Merlin had kept an eye on her and marvelled at the sight of Morgana and her radiant smile as she lay amongst the green, yellow and white of the flowers. It was one of those moments he wished would never leave his mind. Being her friend and servant, the way they were around each other, Merlin enjoyed it greatly. But now more than ever, his mind wandered to what it would be like if they were more than friends, how great that would be. The thought slightly worried him. Not too long ago he had finally come to terms that nothing would ever happen between them, that being friends would be as good as it would get, and he was content with it. '_Was_' being the key word as feelings had started to resurface, feelings of a forbidden love that could never be.  
"I don't get it." Morgana said as she got into a more upright position, whatever 'it' was must've bothered her.  
"Get what?" Merlin asked.  
"How come we never see you with a girl?" There was a thought. He knew there was that barmaid at the tavern, Elwyne, that fancied him. With her gaunt face, bluish eyes and brown, almost reddish hair she was far from unattractive. But both she and Merlin were shy by nature and nothing would ever come of it. He didn't feel like telling Morgana though.  
"Why haven't we seen you with a man? Lord knows they want you." Merlin tried to imitate Arthur's way of dodging questions.  
"Because half of them can't fill their armour and the other half doesn't fit in it." He grinned, she was quite right about that and Arthur would be one of them if he wasn't careful. _Would he let Gwen add another hole to his belt?_ He chuckled at the thought.  
"But you didn't answer my question, how come you haven't got a girl?" Morgana persisted.  
"You'll probably think I'm an idiot."  
"'Course not. Who do you think I am, Arthur?" Morgana sure as hell wasn't Arthur,  
"I... Girls at the tavern only want a good time, a single night, I don't want that. I want love, not lust." He explained but he did feel a bit silly. Then she tilted her head, was she studying him again?  
"I'm making a fool of myself, aren't I?" He asked, he felt a bit embarrassed by her stare but thankfully it _was_ Morgana and not Arthur.  
"No, you're not. It's admirable but finding love is never without risks and it's wanting to face those risks with that special someone that makes it all worth it. But be too afraid of getting hurt and you'll never find her." Morgana replied. She thought him a bit naïve but at least he had more decency than some of the knights did, more than sir Montague for starters.

Merlin smiled, for some reason the memory of Gwen kissing him had come to the surface. He didn't know how he might've hurt her feelings but she was alright now, wasn't she?  
"I know what you mean." He said and, for a moment, he thought of Elwyne. But he could see light was fading and they'd best head home if they were to be in time for dinner at all. He helped her back on her feet and they made their way back to Camelot.

Once they were back Merlin had to deliver the herbs he had gathered to Gaius and Morgana had to dine with the King and the Prince. Just before she entered opened the door and join Uther, Arthur called her name further down the corridor.  
"Arthur." She greeted him a bit cold. Over the years she had learned to recognise what Arthur wanted from her by the way he called her name. Already she knew he was going to try and make a bargain.  
"There's something we need to discuss, about our 'exchange'."  
"Merlin's doing fine." She boasted, she wasn't going to let Arthur walk away without a single taunt.  
"Great, so you won't mind it if I tell him to muck out the stables."  
"What, why?" Mucking out the stables should be Gwen's chore and not Merlin's anymore.  
"Do you really want Gwen to do it? It'll get all over her dress." He didn't say what 'it' was but Merlin was usually covered in 'it' by the time he was done with it. Morgana shuddered at the thought of seeing Gwen's dress in such a state, never mind imagine the smell of it.  
"Fine, for Gwen's sake." She said. She might know how to manipulate the Prince but he also had ways to manipulate her, usually by making her feel guilty.

Merlin wasn't all too happy with putting another chore on the already growing list. Writing the letters had proven to be quite a task but he was dead set on doing them himself as he had done with the one to lord Agon, without Gwen's help. It was just a burden he would have to bear. _For the sake of Camelot_ He told himself, hoping that would make it more bearable.

He cringed, he also still had to clean the leech tank.

* * *

**AN:**

I've noticed this chapter is (slightly) bigger than the last one, are big chapters a good thing or a bad thing?

So Morgana doesn't have romantic feelings for Merlin yet but its seeds have been planted.  
Love between friends (that's what they are) needs to grow before it can blossom, so no sudden head-over-heels.  
The next chapter is going to shake their relationship quite a bit, especially for Morgana (but don't get your hopes up).

[*1] To get a general idea of what kind of grove I am referring to, go to wikipedia and then the 'Grove_(nature)' page, there's a picture of a beautiful grove filled with Windflowers. However, windflowers are poisonous to the skin.


	4. A Bad Dream

**AN:**

Thanks to (long name is long) there's a bit of (hot?) ArWen in this chapter.

* * *

**A Bad Dream**

_Merlin was running down the corridor and skidded to a halt before Morgana's door. He was about to knock until something, or rather someone, took his attention. For a moment everything was fuzzy and the next Merlin was sitting on the floor, short of breath, as a figure wearing a cloak bearing the Pendragon crest leaned over him. The manservant's eyes stared into nothingness as the pumping of blood filled his ears and didn't understand what was going on, was he dying?_

Morgana sat upright and immediately took a look outside her chambers but no Merlin. If what she saw was to come true, which had happened before, she had to keep him away from the knights, the only people to wear cloaks like that. If only she knew how. Merlin was friendly with the knights so it would be quite a difficult task. She could ask Gwen to keep him busy but that would only last for a day, two at most. No, what Morgana needed was a much longer lasting solution but what would possibly qualify? Gaius might know but he usually paid but little attention to her dream and wouldn't agree with the plan at all, he might even tell Merlin which would make things even more awkward. Telling the man(servant) in question wasn't much of an option either _"Hey Merlin, please avoid the knights because I dreamt one of them killed you."_ _  
_And then it occurred to her it should be the other way around, she should set her mind on keeping the knights busy instead of Merlin and it might actually work too. It still wouldn't be enough as none of the knights would dare miss...Arthur's birthday! There it was, the answer to keeping Merlin busy, the Prince's birthday. Putting Merlin in charge would require pulling a few string here and there and she would have to coax him to do it as well but she always did have a way of getting what she wanted, from men at least.

A few days had passed since she and Merlin had visited the grove in the forest. Merlin was forced to tell Gaius he and Gwen had switched places and the physician had merely chuckled at the foolishness done in the name of love, that of Arthur and Gwen. Today was Sunday which left three more days until Arthur's birthday the following Thursday. Morgana was still a bit on edge from the nightmare she had the night before but she was going to prevent it from happening.

He knocked on the doors as he always did but, as they had agreed, he didn't wait for her to reply. Breakfast was served and, as always, they first discussed the letters before Morgana approached the topic that was Arthur's birthday.  
"It's Arthur's birthday next Thursday." She said.  
"Gwen mentioned he was really looking forward to it."  
"Who wouldn't look forward to their own birthday?"  
"Gaius, for one." To him it was hoping it would be just another grey hair and not losing any of the others.  
"Would you like to organise it, Arthur's birthday?" She asked a bit out of the blue.  
"You mean the invitations, the banquet, the decorations _and_ the entertainment?" Merlin asked with an incredulous smile.  
"Gwen already sent the invitations and taken care of the entertainment, all you need to do is the banquet and the decorations." She said simply as if it were a chore.  
"He'll kill me if I screw up."  
"But he might respect you if you don't."  
"He'll never let it show."  
"He will if he thinks _I_ organised it."  
"So you'll take credit for it?"  
"If it's credit, I'll tell him it was you. If it's blame, we keep it quiet."  
Merlin noticed something was off. Morgana never put any pressure on him like that, it wasn't like her and he never heard about her doing anything similar to Gwen.  
"Why are you so keen on getting me to organise Arthur's birthday?"  
She understood that perhaps she had been a bit too eager.  
"He keeps calling you clumsy and an idiot but I've seen none of that, he should see that as well." That sounded honest and genuine, mostly because it was despite it not being the real reason. She could see Merlin thinking. He liked the fact she put faith in him like that but dreaded to think what might happen if he screwed it up completely. The real problem was that whilst organising the Prince's birthday he would still have to do his chores and things being as they were, he could barely manage it. The most time consuming chore of all was writing the letters. Spelling, grammar, formalities, it was such an annoyance. He could spend hours procrastinating on a single letter and still rewrite it at the end. Then there was the leech tank, again, this time for being 'exceptionally rude' to him (Gaius). But still, the idea of Arthur admiring the preparations and then being told it was his doing. The sheer surprise on his face would be reward enough.  
"Alright, I'll do it."  
"Splendid. If you need any help sir Leon agreed to loan me Peter, his servant." That was quite a relief for her, that would keep him busy for quite a while.

The days quickly passed, Merlin barely got his chores done as he was constantly disturbed by other servants asking about the _how_, _what_ and _where_ and so he couldn't use his magic to cheat his chores.

"_Ar_th_ur_." The Prince grinned as he heard her whisper his name and feel her hand stroke his cheek. He was on his back and she was straddling him with her hands besides his pillow. Being woken up by Merlin always reminded him of his duties and made him want to go to sleep. Being woken up by Gwen, however, he didn't want to close his eyes at all in the hope that the dream would last. After blinking a couple of times his grin grew wide, it was sweet, sweet reality.  
"Good morning." She purred.  
"And a very, very good morning to you." He gave her a quick kiss and moved over to the left side of the bed, also her left. He should get dressed but seeing her on all fours like that, he got a better idea. He turned back to the bed and leaned on his hands so their faces were on equal level, deviously putting his right hand right below her without her noticing. As they leaned in to kiss and her eyes were halfway shut he moved his hand further, grabbed her right wrist and quickly pulled it back, past her left arm. She flipped over with a surprised yelp and he was now on top of her. Before she got the time to ask anything he attacked her neck with kisses. A soft moan passed her lips and then he brought his lips back to hers, hers all too willing and his so very eager.

They could've gone on forever if they didn't have to breathe. Arthur eyes lingered for a moment but he still had to get changed and tend to his duties. Gwen watched him move behind the screen and bit her lip seeing him put his shirt over the screen.  
"Looking forward to tomorrow?" She asked.  
"Oh yes. Did you get me a present or do I get to unwrap _you_?" He asked. She became a bit flustered but not because of his cheeky remark. No, she was blushing because of everything that was running around in that not so innocent mind of hers. There were things she wanted to do with him that would make even him blush. But it would have to wait, she wanted to do _that_ proper.  
"You just get dressed. I'll be right back, I just have to ask Morgana some things about tomorrow."  
Closing the door behind her she saw Merlin walking, or rather running down the corridor. He seemed to be in his own, worrying, little world again.  
"Merlin?" She asked.  
"Gwen, how's Arthur?"  
"Fine, is everything alright? You look rather... occupied."  
"Very, I haven't gotten 'round to writing the letters, Gaius told me to clean the leech tank yesterday which I still haven't done and he also wants me gather herbs as he has need of them and Arthur wanted me to muck out the stables before the guests arrive, all the while I have to prepare his birthday and Peter just informed me we don't have enough strawberries."  
"So Morgana put you in charge of the banquet."  
"And the decorations but they're all sorted out, thank gods for that. Now I'd love to stay and talk but I really have to find Morgana to talk a few things over." She gave him a small nod and apparently he was in quite a hurry as he was now making a run for it.

Morgana was on her way back to her room when she saw Merlin running to her room and just as he was about to knock sir Leon approached from the other side of the corridor. Every fibre of her body told her to run, to shout, but what would she do? But when the first words left Leon's mouth everything seemed to be alright.  
"Merlin, Peter told me you sent him out on an errand, why?" It surprised Merlin that Sir Leon still didn't know Merlin was organising the prat's birthday instead of Morgana as Peter was, after all, Leon's household servant.  
"Yes, I told him to find strawberries for the banquet."  
"Ah yes, for Arthur's birthday, I thought Morgana was on that. One problem though, Peter got arrested for stealing, probably the strawberries you mentioned."  
"That idiot!" The manservant cursed into the heavens.  
"He never was the brightest." Leon snickered. "So what did you get Arthur?" Sir Leon must've thought that whoever was organising the Prince's birthday, which was tomorrow, would already have a present for him, but Merlin didn't. He had been so caught up with the preparations he had completely forgotten about getting him an actual present. Another chore to be added to the list; write Morgana's letters, muck out the stables, clean the leech tank, gather herbs, sew Morgana's blue dress, bail Peter out, pull out some strawberries from god know where and get Arthur a present which was the most difficult of all. With everything he had to take care of people were constantly looking for him and preventing him from doing his chores, the frequency of it all also prevented him from using magic which made things even more complicated. Everything was going down the drain and Arthur would hate him for it. Ruining a chore wasn't much of a problem and neither was speaking out of term, there were consequences for that but they could be dealt with. Ruining someone's birthday, however, would be much, much worse than the stocks. What if he got fired? How would he protect him then? Was Camelot's future going to be decided by the Prince's birthday? Of course not, right? Arthur's birthday seemed innocent enough but so was Mordred before Kilgharrah told of his future and Morgana suddenly aiding Tauren, Camelot's destiny could be ruined by anything that might seem innocent.  
"I... I..." Merlin began to stutter. He wasn't feeling well and put his back against the wall as he started to breathe more rapidly.  
"You didn't get him- Merlin, are you alright?" Leon quickly caught on to the manservant's distress. Merlin slid down to the ground and Leon kneeled before him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Morgana's dream had come to pass and it was all her fault, had she not put him in charge of Arthur's birthday Leon would never have approached him about Peter's imprisonment.  
"Merlin, look at me, what's going on?" Leon asked as Morgana ran over to them. Merlin didn't respond to the knights question and just kept staring into the nothingness before him. Morgana told Leon to fetch Gaius and put her hand between his shoulder and neck. It frightened her to feel how warm his skin was, like he was running a fever.  
"Merlin." She called his name. "Merlin!" she called once more and finally he looked at her. His face showed so much fear, he saw even more pale than he already was, his eyes were wide and he constantly gasped for air. Tears were running down his cheeks and as she put her other hand over the one on his heart, in comfort, and despite the hand in between she could still feel his heart pound at an incredible rate. She felt so helpless not knowing what was going on, if he was dying, if he was in pain, what she should tell him, how she could comfort him.  
"Can't... breathe..." He finally said. Sweat began to form on his forehead and he bowed forward slightly, bringing his shoulders a bit inwards and Morgana recognized he _was_ in pain. She too began to cry now, she didn't want to lose him, it wasn't his time yet, it couldn't be.  
"Please don't go." She whimpered. She always thought that _if_ he died it would be by the hand of one of Camelot's enemies, such as Odin, not like this, never like this.

Leon returned with Gaius following suit. The physician kneeled besides his ward and told him to take deeper breaths. When Merlin didn't listen Gaius actually put his hand on his mouth and nose, let go, making him gasp for air, and then did it again but left a bit of space for him to exhale. If Merlin's breathing hadn't calmed down so quickly Morgana might've thought Gaius had tried to kill him. Merlin's eyes were closed but his chest went up and down as it should, things were going to be alright.  
"How do you feel?" Gaius asked.  
"Nauseous." Merlin answered as his guardian helped him to his feet.  
"You'd best sleep it off." Gaius concluded as they began to head back home.  
"Gaius?" Morgana called. He turned around and told sir Leon to bring Merlin to his room while he had a word with the King's ward.  
"I'm sorry Morgana, what happened must've terrified you."  
"I thought he was dying." The physician nodded in acknowledgement.  
"So did he. He wasn't in any real danger but considering the symptoms he must've thought it was a heart attack." Morgana considered this and it didn't put her at ease at all, in fact, it made her feel even worse as Merlin must've been thinking his final thoughts and it had been all her fault.

* * *

**AN (question for you at the end):**

This chapter is a turning point but it's not '_I realize I love you because you almost died_', that would be cutting corners. I believe that when you think someone is dying such realisation rarely occurs, the main thought is usually of death and wanting to prevent it. Besides, it would be his life flashing before his eyes, not the other way around.

Also, _option three_ actually works in real life, if you want to try it:  
Person A (she) is on all fours and person B (he) to her left. Person B puts his hand right below her, meaning his arm is between her left arm and her left leg. Person B then reaches further, grabs Person A's right hand and pulls it back to him slightly upwards and *poof* She's on her back

I've never had or known anyone who's had a panic attack so if it's a bit unreal then it's completely my fault, I got all my info from wikipedia and made the best/worst of it.

I've got a tiny problem. Before I started writing this story I planned it all out and I'm currently half-way (planned total of 10 chapters).  
The problem is that now that I'm half-way I got an idea (1 or 2 chapters long) which isn't necessary at all but _could_ fit in.  
The idea involves Elwyne (tavern girl) and Merlin sort-of together though it does come to an end very quickly (I did say 2 chapters) and the 'how' may surprise you quite a bit but I'm not telling how it'll affect him.

Do or don't? Leave it in your review (or I'll default to don't).

Regardless of the choice above, the next chapter won't be posted as quickly as this one. Writing 2000 words in 2/3 days isn't easy and I think I've been spoiling you a bit :P .


	5. A Bad Conscience

**A Bad Conscience**

Guilty, that's how she felt. Everyone who knew Merlin had collapsed had agreed that if Arthur asked them about him, Merlin was ill. Morgana was glad he hadn't asked her as she really couldn't have made idle conversation about something that had been all her fault. It kept distracting her for the rest of the day and hardly got any sleep. The scene just kept replaying in her head, the tears, the thought that he was dying. It still made her tear up.

Arthur's birthday, time to be happy even if she didn't feel like it. Feigning happiness usually wasn't a problem but now it did. Absolutely nothing felt right. The hall was filled with people laughing and smiling. Merlin had done a great job with the banquet and the decorations but he was in bed because of those damned strawberries. Morgana gave Arthur the wooden Pendragon sculpture she had commisioned but changed her mind and said it came from Merlin instead.  
"So that's why you're looking so guilty!" Arthur said thinking she couldn't find a present for him, it lifted her spirits just a bit.  
"Well, at least you've done a good job with the party." He said and that lifted spirit of hers just plummeted again.  
"I actually had Merlin do it." She admitted.  
"Merlin? And now he's missing the party _he_ prepared." Arthur made a face she thought was guilt. "But I'll be expecting two presents from you next year." He ended on a happy note. She faked a smile and looked around to find Gwen but no luck. She could hardly stomach the smell of the banquet. But there _were_ strawberries thanks to Sir Leon who had called in a favour, if only that had happened earlier then she wouldn't be feeling so guilty. She was disgusted with herself for being at the party while Merlin was ill and so she left. Even Arthur could see through her mask and that was saying something. At least she had given Arthur a gift on Merlin's behalf. If no one could find her, at least he would've had seen her. Everyone would just assume she wasn't feeling well and there was more truth to that than they would ever know. Taking a sigh she made her way to the physician's chambers, she should face the consequences of her actions.

Opening the door Gaius' gaze fell upon her and she felt like a twelve year caught in the act. He silently beckoned her to come in and sat down on one of the benches.  
"How is he?" She asked.  
"He'll be alright." The physician assured her.  
"What happened?"  
"He's been a bit restless and sleep deprived lately and I'm afraid all of us are to blame." He had been pulling the weight of three people giving him chores _and_ taking caring of Arthur's birthday.  
"I thought that if Merlin were to organize Arthur's birthday he would have some more respect for him, I never meant for this to happen." She needn't explain herself to Gaius but Merlin was his ward, he had a right to know.  
"Of course you didn't, dear girl."  
She sighed, this wasn't helping.  
"Can I see him?" She asked.  
"Yes, though he's probably still sleeping."  
She entered Merlin's remarkably messy room. Despite him looking so peaceful, it was difficult for her to look at. He should be up and about, running, smiling, dancing, fighting. She sat down on the edge of the bed

Merlin slowly opened those blue eyes of his and smiled at the sight of bright green ones that met his. There were far worse ways of waking up, including being woken by Gaius. She had been sitting there for at least an hour as she wanted to be absolutely sure he was going to be alright.  
"Good... morning?" He asked. He had been asleep for hours on end and only woken up when it was 'necessary' so he didn't quite know what time it was.  
"Evening, actually."  
"Right." He said as he brought himself to the side of the bed to sit besides her and asked her how Arthur was.  
"Enjoying himself. He really liked the wooden Pendragon sculpture you got him." She said with a shy smile. Merlin hadn't bought him anything and, judging by her smile, it was actually her gift for him.  
"Thank you." He said, thankful she understood the friendship between him and Arthur and how important it was to him.  
"I'm so sorry for what happened." She was starting to tear up again..  
"It's not your fault." He tried to reassure her.  
"But I'm the one who convinced you to take care of Arthur's birthday."  
He couldn't bear seeing her like this, crying, and put an arm around her.  
"You didn't know this was going to happen." He said but that only made it worse, she _did_ know it was going to happen and not only that, she caused it.  
"All I need is a few days of rest and I'll be good as new." He smiled that smile that made worries wash away. The tables had turned quite a bit. He was the one needing rest but now he was comforting her guilt-ridden mind. Laying her head on his shoulder she felt a bit selfish for feeling better with his arm around her, not knowing Merlin, laying his head against hers, felt the same way.

* * *

**AN:**

So, no 'near death love' but there is 'near death change' which will become more apparent in the next chapter.

I didn't exactly lie about needing more time as this chapter isn't very long, it is kind of a loose end.  
I like writing 2000+ words chapters but I don't want to spend even _more_ time procrastinating about the bloody wordcount.

Or maybe #ReviewsAreMyDrugs

As for Elwyne; I did the stupid thing of fleshing out the character and find myself liking it way too much. If she's not in the next chapter, you'll either see her in an extra chapter at the end (maintaining strict MerlinXMorgana, no other pairing) or in a story by itself somewhere in the future.


	6. All The Time InBetween

**AN:**

Pfft, not 2000 words but I just stopped caring.

This would've been the Elwyne chapter but the reviewers didn't want to see Merlin with someone other than Morgana.

* * *

**All The Time In-Between** **(Chores)**

Gwen was Morgana's maid once more but the guilt remained, even after Merlin had recovered and forgiven them (Arthur was to blame as well) she still felt like something is wrong or missing. Soon enough she noticed she felt lonely when he wasn't around

But no loner being Morgana's servant didn't mean they no longer saw each other. The manservant still came around to bring her the sleeping draft she needed and often stuck around to talk, sometimes for nearly an hour. Gwen was a great maid and a great friend but there was something about Merlin she just couldn't provide. Of course Gwen had taken notice and usually made herself scarce by going on an 'errand' for Arthur whenever he would come around. The Lady of Camelot did still feel a bit guilty for causing his panic attack even though he had forgiven her time and again. It seemed so strange that the feeling remained even after she coaxed sir Leon into apologizing and thought of scolding the knight more than once without much reason to, he wasn't really to blame, he was merely the messenger. Arthur also apologized but in a different fashion. The Prince had Peter, the stealing and idiotic servant, put in the stocks and made sure there had been plenty of things to throw at him.

"You and Merlin do talk a lot, don't you?" Gwen asked while she fastened the laces of Morgana's dress.  
"He's a dear friend, I like talking to him." Morgana answered casually.  
"Speaking of him, you never told me how good of a dancer he is."  
"Your father taught you to work the forge, his mother taught him how to dance and it shows."  
"He dances well?" Gwen asked.  
"Very well." She smiled.  
"And how good of a servant is he?" Gwen asked.  
"I'd almost say he's your equal but you look so much better in a dress than he does." She joked.  
"So why are you so different when he's around?"  
"What do you mean?" Morgana honestly didn't really know what she was talking about.  
"Every evening, just before he brings you your sleeping draft, you seem so... nervous?" Right, _that_. She wasn't just nervous, she was also excited. But when he was actually there she would feel paralyzed and vulnerable, yet so free as long as they kept talking. But the worst part was when he would leave, there would be relief but also a feeling of emptiness, like something was missing or she had forgotten to say something. Time and again after he left she would ponder as to what on earth was missing.  
"I can't look forward to talking with someone?" Morgana said with a tone of authority Gwen knew meant the end of it. But Gwen had her answer, it was definitely more than _looking forward to_. Inside, Morgana called it more or less the highlight of her day. She and Merlin spoke freely without anyone there to watch them, boundaries had disappeared and replaced by something else. _Replaced by what?_ Was that the question that needed answering, the missing piece of the puzzle?

It was evening when Gwen entered the physician's room and found Merlin reading one of Gaius' many books on anatomy.  
"Hey, Gwen. How can I help you?" He said as he stretched his limbs.  
"I'm fine. Listen, there's something I need to talk to you about."  
"Okay..." Merlin hesitated. Gwen never _needed_ to talk to him, had he done something wrong? Come to think of it, Merlin never saw Gwen angry at anyone.  
"Did something happen between you and Morgana?" He was trying to get away from the thought of her but apparently there was reason for concern, in which case Merlin would gladly help.  
"Sorry?" He asked bewildered, it was a bit ridiculous Gwen would think something like that. If it had happened Gwen wouldn't have asked, she would've known as he would've been grinning from ear to ear.  
"Whenever you come around to bring her sleeping draft, she seems tense and I don't understand what's going on." She said. He had seen Morgana be a lot of things but nervous, only on the battlefield. When they had their talks she didn't seem nervous, if anything she seemed extremely calm.  
"Did you ask her?" Merlin didn't want to gossip about friends like that. With him gossiping went no further than the holes in Arthur's belt.  
"I tried to but she doesn't want to talk about it." It was so like Gwen to get all worked up about things like that.  
"I think I know." Merlin said a bit guilty, he didn't want to share it with Gwen but they both cared for Morgana. "She blamed herself for the pressure I was under when I collapsed. I thought we were past that when I told her it wasn't her fault."  
"You could tell her again." Gwen argued.  
"And remind her of it? I think we should let things run its course. I'm fine and I don't blame her for any of it, she'll see that soon enough."  
Gwen nodded, it seemed like a good idea.  
"You never told me you could dance." She said, trying to think happier thoughts.  
"You never told me either." Merlin smiled.  
"How did she get you to do it? Dance with her I mean."  
"First of all, you should've told me. Secondly, who am I to say no to the Lady of Camelot?"  
"You like her, don't you?" Gwen didn't want to pry but she just had to ask, feminine curiosity.  
"She's smart, fun, caring, dedicated, what's not to like?" He was either being thick or avoiding the question, she didn't know what to think about it. Morgana did tell her Merlin danced 'very well' and the claim made her wonder.  
"Merlin, would you dance with me?"  
"Just don't tell Arthur." He said as he got up.  
Dancing with Gwen wasn't a problem but he felt detached. It didn't affect his dancing, he was kind of on autopilot. It wasn't the same as it was with Morgana. He enjoyed dancing with her and could lose himself in the moment, so different from the way they were dancing now. With Morgana time flew by and this much shorter dance was sluggish at best. Was it because Arthur could walk in at any moment? No, anyone walking in on him and Morgana would've been far more awkward. The sole reason for it was Morgana, the girl he fancied but could never have. Even if Arthur were to sit on the throne with Gwen besides him, he wouldn't want to risk his friendship with Morgana. Love might not be without risk and that was understandable but he didn't want to lose her completely. His heart ached, he should try to stop dancing completely as it had become a bitter reminder of what would never be his.  
"What's on your mind? It's like you're not with me." Gwen asked. It wasn't that he didn't dance well, he did, it was the look on his face as they danced that betrayed there was something else going on in that head of his as well.  
"I've got a couple of things on my mind, that's all." He faked a smile.  
_Great, now he's acting strange as well._ She thought.  
"Well, I'd better go. I'll see you tomorrow." She said.  
"Bye." Merlin said absentmindedly. It wasn't a crush anymore, the Lady Morgana, it was more. He couldn't even enjoy dancing anymore because of her. Why couldn't he escape that nagging feeling? Asking the great dragon came to mind but he'd probably scold him for letting her come so close to his heart. He went outside and to the battlements, he could use the fresh air to clear his mind. The view from the battlements remembered him of his first steps in Camelot. The city was beautiful, the people busy with their daily lives, it felt like one big adventure. Then there was of course the pyre and Uther condemning a man to death, it was also the first time he saw Morgana. She looked- _By the gods, why the hell can't I get away from this?_

Panic, he was slipping. If Gwen hadn't interrupted his reading his mind would still have been with the anatomy and preserving his sanity. _Swap servants, great idea you annoying prat! _He cursed. Morgana was the one who gave him the idea in the first place but she was joking and he wasn't. But Arthur got what he wanted and Merlin left like shattered glass. Magic wasn't going to help, he had looked at that long ago. Millions of potions to fall _in_ love but none to get out, he had caught the one-way ticket. He felt silly, Camelot got threatened by all sorts of evil and 'the greatest thing in life' was going to be his undoing. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? Probably not, he was nothing more than a good friend. At the grove, _what a picture that was_, she had encouraged him to find a girl. If she liked him back, she wouldn't have said that. This obsession of his with Morgana was getting out of hand, it was distracting him far too much. What if Arthur and Camelot were in danger and he failed to act because she had distracted him? He couldn't just abandon ship and he couldn't just go and kill her.

_Wow, I really am losing my mind._ He was a bit shocked catching himself thinking such a troubling thought. Kilgharrah would've liked it but he would've been the only one.

Gwen was on her way back to Arthur trying to decide if she should tell him Merlin and Morgana were troubling her. Arthur was hardly patient, he was a man of action, immediate action. He would put two and two together and take Morgana's side, if there was such a thing, and force an answer out of Merlin. No, she wasn't going to tell him anything. Hopefully Merlin was right about Morgana and _his_ strange behaviour was pass as well.

* * *

**AN:**

Morgana is the frog in the 'frog and water' myth, which is that you can boil a live frog by putting it in cold water and then gradually warm it until it's boiling.

Merlin is not really losing his mind, we all have moments of insanity like that incredibly annoying song is stuck in our heads.

But there's progress, Morgana is on to the change and looking for answers.


	7. Giving It A Name

**AN:**

Reina Kuran: Thanks, I forgot about that. I'll be updating previous chapters soon.

* * *

**Giving It A Name**

That morning, after dealing with the letters and a bit of gossip, such as Gwen dancing with Merlin, Morgana told Gwen she wouldn't be needing her until dinner. The maid seemed surprised but spoke not a word of protest. The Lady wanted to do something else that day and Gwen would now make sure it would be possible even if she didn't know it yet. Gwen did suspect Morgana was on to her and Arthur as the Prince wasn't very discreet with borrowing her.

Merlin wasn't surprised Arthur gave him the rest of the day off as Gwen would keep him occupied for the afternoon and such wonderful news always put him in a good mood. The manservant too thought Morgana might know about Gwen and Arthur, there were times the prat was an even worse liar then he was. As she had dismissed Gwen, it surprised him Morgana was visiting Gaius. Surely she wouldn't dismiss Gwen if something were wrong? As soon as Morgana noticed Merlin had entered she turned to face him.  
"Merlin, shouldn't you be following Arthur?" The faked surprise was easy to tell from the way she smiled.  
"He dismissed me for the moment." Of course he wouldn't say 'the rest of the day' as Gaius would take full advantage of it before he finished the sentence.  
"Then you won't mind taking a walk with me." She said.  
He hesitated for several reasons. His mind had obsessed over her the day before and he had hoped he wouldn't run into her but this wasn't _running into_, this was a frontal assault. They would just talk like they always did, maybe share a few jokes but never more. They were friends and as much as he hated to admit it, things should stay that way. In time that feeling of love would pass, it would take many months but he'd done it before. He knew all it would take to reignite that desire was a tiny spark, her tears on his shoulder, the touch of her skin, the sight of her nightgown and god knows what else. Gaius had caught him ogling her once and they had to talk about destiny, magic, king's ward, and he hated it. Still, how much harm would taking a walk really do?  
"Lead on." He said with a smile. Gaius wasn't blind, he knew the two had grown closer but didn't think anything of it as Arthur always kept Merlin busy and thus prevented Morgana from having decent conversation with him, save for the time they spent when he dropped by with her sleeping draft but what harm could that do?

They walked through the apple orchard not far from the city walls. The occasional shouting of dissatisfied traders could be heard coming from the city but that didn't keep it from bringing peace to Morgana's mind and Merlin's heart. It was something of a ploy of hers, whatever had happened between them, she needed to know what it was. She couldn't ask anyone as it happened when they were alone, she had to figure it out herself and the only way to do that was to be alone with him.  
"So why did you give Gwen the afternoon off?" Merlin asked, he didn't mind the time off but one had to wonder why she couldn't do this with Gwen. If they had a falling out she surely wouldn't have given her the day off, she would've been given extra chores like Arthur did.  
"Because I wanted to spend time with you." Her answer unnerved him slightly. It was unmistakably a compliment and it wasn't inappropriate for her to do so but it made things more complicated. He wanted to be rid of that love that couldn't be and spending time with her, and her admitting she liked it, didn't help.  
"And how did you know I had time to spend?" He asked thinking to know the answer.  
"Because Arthur likes Gwen. So tell me, did anything happen yet?" So Morgana was on to the happy couple, it could hardly go unnoticed as Gwen was more in love than ever before. Things were a lot like they were before with her humming and smiling but the lengthy errands and her thoughts being elsewhere had stopped. He was to thank for that, his talks with Morgana allowed the maidservant to sneak off to visit Arthur.  
"It's not my tale to tell." He played the fool. Morgana smiled, she just met the wall that was Merlin's unbreakable integrity and one of the things she liked most about him. They were alike in that way, never to forsaken what they thought was right, he had shown that when he brought her the druid boy.  
"Gwen said you danced with her." Morgana remarked. _Women and their gossiping._ Merlin cursed internally, not a day had gone by and already Gwen had told Morgana.  
"What did she say?"  
"That I was right."  
"And?" He didn't know what stories Morgana had been telling Gwen, they probably weren't bad but there wasn't any harm in finding out.  
"It's not my tale to tell." She said, playing the same game and earning a chuckle from Merlin.  
"How are your dreams?" Merlin asked a bit more serious.  
"I had one, I had a good dream!" She said excited like a little girl. Her smile warmed his heart, this was one of those things that could make him forsaken everything for her.  
"It was about Arthur and Gwen, that's why I asked. I saw Arthur and Gwen, in a tent, and all of a sudden she kissed him. The look on his face, ooh, priceless." She said with an even bigger smile.  
"And he returned the kiss?" The manservant asked, if this was part of the future he _had _to know.  
"Of course he did, wouldn't be a good dream if he didn't." She said.  
Merlin smiled in relief. If that dream was the future, which it probably was, everything between now and then would be alright.  
"Do you think I should tell her?" Morgana asked, if they hadn't kissed yet all Gwen would need was some encouragement.  
"It's Gwen's choice, we shouldn't put pressure on her because of a dream." Merlin answered, he knew they had kissed before and Gwen wouldn't need the encouragement at all.  
"So what do you think they're doing right now?" She asked.  
"They're probably-" and then he caught on to what she was doing, she almost got him to tell her what was going on between Gwen and Arthur. He bit his lip and gave her a meaningful, but not unkind, look. He was _not_ going to tell her anything about the two.  
"Please?" She pouted. Merlin put on one of his trademark smiles and shook his head, it was unbelievable how cute and persuasive Morgana could be.  
"You can see it as getting even with Arthur." She sang but, although very tempted, he refused to tell her.  
"Try threatening with chores, he likes to do that." Merlin joked.  
"No, I don't threaten my friends like that, you least of all."  
"_Least of all_?"  
"Because of what happened in the corridor..." She trailed off.  
_Not this again._ Merlin thought in desperation. He wasn't really annoyed with her, it was that he felt sorry for her that she couldn't seem to let go and he couldn't stand it when she was crying.  
"That wasn't your fault." He tried to reassure her.  
"But I _am_ to blame, just hear me out." And he listened. She told him of her dream and how she had tried to prevent it from happening. At the end all she talked about was horrid she felt when he was sitting there and when she attended Arthur's birthday. Merlin put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She seemed so guilt-ridden of what she had done, done in her attempts to save him. Her guilt actually reflected on him, knowing how guilty she felt every time he said it wasn't her fault must've had the exact opposite effect all that time, his _comfort_ had been her punishment.  
"You tried everything to save me and that it might've caused it doesn't matter. In the end, when your nightmare became a reality, you didn't run, you stayed, you were there for me and you have no idea how much that means to me."  
Morgana hugged him tightly and didn't want to let go, not ever. He didn't deny she had caused it, she would have hated that, but he understood she didn't mean to and, more importantly, he valued her more because she stayed when she could have fetched Gaius herself and not have to comfort him.

Free of the burden and feeling his arms on her back she felt like everything was going to be alright. She kept her eyes closed as if she wanted to remember this moment forever, a moment in which all her worries just slipped away and there was only silence save for the steady beating of their hearts. After a few moments Merlin began stroking her hair not really knowing what to do when she was all emotional like this and, above all else, hugging him endlessly. Merlin's love for the woman in his arms didn't bother him at all, he didn't care about what was right or wrong, she needed this and he wouldn't deny her.  
"Morgana?" He whispered as her tight grip had barely loosened. Morgana quickly let go of him and corrected her posture.  
"I'm sorry, I must've startled you." She apologized.  
"We all have our moments." He chuckled, trying to say she needn't apologize. They began walking back to the castle as clouds had begun to form on the horizon and pretty soon rain would pour down on the city.

Morgana and Merlin were back at the castle and had parted ways some time before dinner. The Lady of Camelot went to Arthur wondering if Gwen would be there and entering the room without knocking yielded more answers than she was looking for.  
A kissing Prince Arthur and Guinevere quickly broke away at the sight of her, the two had thought no one would come knocking as Merlin would keep her busy and any emergencies would be preceded by hurried footsteps.  
"Morgana..." Gwen stuttered, this was obviously the reason why Arthur had been borrowing her so often.  
"Arthur, not only did you steal my maid but it seems you stole her heart as well." Morgana stated with slight admiration. She felt a bit proud that Arthur finally learned to _damn the consequences_. Hopefully those consequences wouldn't affect Guinevere to much, breaking her heart meant he would have to deal with an angry Morgana who would make sure he would suffer at least as much.  
Seeing as Gwen's head had been in the clouds for weeks, she doubted it was a trivial love and thus one meant to last

Arthur and Gwen glanced at each other, neither knew what to do or say now that she'd found out. Now two, maybe three people knew about their secret and they didn't want Uther to find out in fear of what he might do.  
"Merlin usually warns you, doesn't he?" Morgana asked. She only received a very alerted look from Arthur which was answer enough. She found herself wondering just how long Merlin had known.  
"Rest assured, he said nothing and neither will I." Her words didn't put the Prince and his love much at ease but it was better than nothing. And with that said she took a step back and closed the door behind her.

She sighed, she had felt so well right up until the moment she saw them kissing, then back was the hollow feeling that had plagued her for so long. She didn't disapprove of their relationship, it was just that there was no one like that for her, no one that made her feel so good.

Realisation struck her. That hollow feeling was never there when _he _was around. Hugging him, although perhaps a bit awkward, had soothed her every fear. She couldn't stand the idea of losing him as he was the only one who had ever truly understood her. But it wasn't just his comfort she yearned for. He could dance so very well and be cheeky at times, putting Arthur in his place and taunting her during sword practice. He didn't feel the need to fill every single silence like Gwen and Arthur did, he liked the quiet to put his mind at ease like she did and both of them would fight for what they thought was right. They could talk and talk about the little things and even gossip, albeit petty gossip, for ages. Of course they would have their differences but soon enough they would just agree to disagree. Could she and Merlin... Arthur and Gwen did and the idea of kissing Merlin seemed appealing to her, quite so actually.

His blue eyes, that grin of his, his tenderness when they hugged and he stroked her hair, the many times he gently put his hand on her shoulder to dance and not to forget his warmth when he fastened the laces of her dress and accidently touched her back. Nervous, excited, vulnerable and paralyzed when he was around, hollow, empty and alone when he wasn't. Butterflies. There was no denying it, she was in love with him.


	8. The Decision

**AN:**

Ehm... I've got nothing to complain about :)

* * *

**The Decision**

The revelation of loving Merlin burdened her heart. She needed to tell him how she felt, she had to get this off her chest and find out if he felt the same. _But what if he doesn't love me?_ The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

"Morgana?" She turned around to see Gwen standing before her, she hadn't even heard her leave Arthur's room.  
"Why are you standing outside Arthur's chambers, were you waiting for me?" Gwen asked. Why hadn't she gone back to her room, why was she still there? But there was no time to answer herself, Gwen had posed a question that needed answering. Morgana took a decision, then and there, and she was going to see it through.  
"Yes, I think I'll dance with Merlin tonight, if you don't mind." Morgana replied. Gwen saw Morgana's request as approval, believing that the Lady's odd behaviour was the need to get used to Arthur .  
"I'll tell him on my way home." Gwen smiled cheefully, Arthur would first inspect the guards after dinner but afterwards he would be all hers. Morgana nodded with a slight smile and headed back to her chambers. Merlin, of all the people she just had to fall in love with him. The first step was already set and the mere thought of it made the butterflies come to life. But how was she to seducing him?

Dancing, although nice, might not really fit her needs. She could get him drunk- _No, he has to know I mean it.  
_The scandelous red dress from Uther's feast came to mind- _He wouldn't refuse but would it be love or lust?  
_She could drop the pretense altogether and kiss him the moment she was alone with him- _And scare the living daylights out of him_.  
There would have to be some sort of special moment so she'd be able to see if he felt the same, but nothing would protect her from the possibility that her love wouldn't be returned. _"Finding love is never without risks."_ She quoted herself. Was she out of her mind telling him to find a girl? He still hadn't found anyone yet. What if he hadn't found anyone because he felt for her? _Very wishful thinking, Morgana._ She told herself. As for their special moment, could such a thing be planned at all?

Just like she said, Gwen first paid a visit to the physician's chambers where Merlin would be. Apparently Gaius had him clean the leech tank again. She knew how much he hated that and this would surely brighten up his day.  
"Merlin?" She asked. From inside the tank he held up a finger telling her to wait just a moment. Of course, clumsy as he was, he had to bump his head against the edge of the tank. Then began that ritual of checking his face for leeches, there was bound to be one... _two, three, disgusting._  
Sighing he crossed his arms and put his chin on his arms on the tank.  
"Morgana dismissed me for the evening..." She trailed off. Merlin chuckled, Gwen telling him she was dismissed meant Morgana wanted to spend time with him. But why was Gwen so nervous?  
"Did something happen?" Merlin asked.  
"She walked in on Arthur and me." She explained, but it didn't calm her nerves.  
"She's not... right?" Merlin asked.  
"No, she said she wouldn't tell." Gwen answered.  
"Then why are you so nervous?" He asked outright.  
"How did she know you know?" Gwen asked. And that was what it was all about, Gwen was afraid he had let slip there was something going on and that it might happen again.  
"She already found out Arthur _liked _you and she asked if anything happened yet. **I Said Nothing**, you know I wouldn't." He said. Her words had stung him, he couldn't understand for the life of him why she though he'd said anything. He always warned them whenever someone would come around, he helped keep their secret hidden and now she thought he told Morgana? He was the one that introduced them to each other and he never asked for anything in return, not even a 'thank you'.  
"Sorry." She aplogised, she should've trusted him and not attacked him like that.  
"I need to get this done." Merlin almost snarled as he went back into the leech tank and Gwen left the physician's chambers.

Merlin showed up at Morgana's door not long after dinner. Seeing him again brought back the feeling of being vulnerable and paralyzed but now she understood that it were the (in)famous butterflies and it was nothing to be afraid of. Rejection, that did still scare her. Thankfully there was plenty of wine to calm the nerves but she wasn't going to get him drunk. It surprised Merlin there was wine on the table and wondered if it had something to do with her recent discovery?  
"I heard you found out about Arthur and Gwen." He said thinking it would prevent any uncomfortable silences.  
"They deserve each other." Morgana smiled. Arthur was good for Gwen, the maid had never seemed happier. Arthur didn't let anything on but Morgana could tell by Merlin's mood, the lack of chores, that even the Prince didn't remain unaffected.  
"Is that why you're not dancing with her?" He asked.  
"Not solely, I like spending time with you."  
"If Arthur knew I was here he would say you're stealing me." He joked. She gave it a shy smile, it was almost like he knew what she was up to and that really didn't help the butterflies.  
"So what does he think you're doing?" She asked.  
"No idea but if he'd ask Gaius, he'd probably tell him I'm at the tavern."  
"And what if he were to ask me, what should I tell him?" She asked.  
"You don't have to cover for me and neither does Gaius, we're not doing anything wrong." He said. _Not yet._ She thought.  
Morgana got up from her chair and put her back against the bedpost. Merlin had followed her example believing she wanted to dance and now found himself just standing before her. She felt lost, how could she tell him what she felt for him? The boundaries between them were blurred but obviously still there and he would never cross them, he wouldn't want to risk making things awkward no matter how much he might care for her. Someone had to make the first step.  
"Merlin, do I... matter to you?" This was new to him. They'd shared feeling before but never about each other and he could feel there was a deeper emotion beneath it.  
"Of course you do, you're one of the most wonderful people I've ever met." He said. She would've preffered that he would pour his heart out to her but she didn't know how he felt about her nor the other way around.  
"Did Arthur do something to upset you because you walked in on them?" Merlin asked. What else could upset her like that? When did Morgana ever doubt herself? He thought Arthur might've made some snarky remark after she had walked in on them and after Gwen had left, Gwen would never tolerate such words from him.  
"No, it's... nothing." She said looking down thinking she was making a mess of things. she wanted to know his mind, not poise him against Arthur. Merlin wasn't willing to let it go so easily, all she'd done was make it even clearer something was wrong. He moved a bit closer and crouched slightly so he could look into her eyes.  
"Morgana, you can trust me." He said. Nodding she put a hand on his shoulder and, as he rose, hugged him. She could always trust him and count on him, for anything. Ending their hug and looking into his eyes again she knew this was _that moment_. Her hands hadn't left him yet and one them of moved upwards from his shoulder until it reached the back of head, making her intentions clear to him, and softly pulled him towards her. He didn't break away, struggle or even hesitate and his eyes only left hers because he knew what would follow. Their lips met, so soft and tender, sweet and innocent. She wanted more. Her lips parted slightly to let her tongue trace the shallow crevasse between his lips, begging his to come out and play. He didn't mess about and returned the favour with vigor, raw passion from the burning desire that had been plaguing his mind for days. Acting on instinct he his hands were on her back and in her hair, further embracing their love.

She thought of him as a tender lover but his tongue was rough, demanding her full attention, and she liked it. He had bottled it up for so long and now it was coming out. It was so much better than he could ever have hoped for. Nothing could have prepared him for this and it was the same for her. He had never seen or even heard of Morgana ever having any suitors. Many men would've loved to be in his position and that was exactly their problem, they acted like it whereas Merlin didn't even dare dream of it.

Hearing something shatter they broke the kiss abruptly. Morgana turned around completely, letting go of Merlin, to see who was there. There was no one in sight, a vase had fallen from the table which was at least six feet [1,8m] away from them. Morgana's eyes kept scanning her room until she heard a door close behind her. She turned around once more only to find that Merlin was gone.


	9. Far From Perfect

**Far From Perfect**

His heart was beating in his throat. What the hell had happened? Was it good or bad and was it even real? He had kissed his would-be enemy and he didn't even care. He knew it shouldn't have happened but he _let_ it happen anyway. But that he could deal with. The vase, the bloody vase just had to fall to the floor. They hadn't touched it, they were too far away to have even brushed it. It was magic, it had to be. Couldn't he have restrained himself from it? And why hadn't it happened when Gwen kissed him, she jumped him and Morgana hadn't. He knew the answer, he didn't love Gwen, he loved Morgana. Couldn't he learn to supress his magic? Then everything would be alright.

Merlin was on his way back to Gaius. He was unable to cope with fear of Morgana finding out he had magic. The questions she would've asked, he couldn't lie to her. But the must cruel thing of all was that he did love her. Back in his room he laid down on his back and kept tapping his head against the wall. Emotions ran rampant inside his head. Joy for she loved him, sad that it could never be and angry for the reasons they couldn't. It was agony. Times like these he wished he had no magic, had no destiny, things would be so much better without. How could he ever come to see her as an enemy, like Kilgharrah had told him, when they loved each other. Was it but a dream, not meant to be? He refused to cry, he couldn't put his pain on display for the world to see. People would ask questions to which he had no answers save for the truth he wouldn't share.

He kept remembering, replaying the evening in his head, in hopes of eventually numbing the pain. He had done it before even though now was different, now he knew she loved him back. He kept replaying the memory, again and again, until something else entirely came to mind. Had it been _his_ magic that acted out or had it been _hers_? She had magic even if she didn't know it yet and emotions could amplify it greatly as it had done to him with Nimueh. If merely kissing could bring out her magic then he didn't want to risk Uther or anyone else finding out about it. He couldn't tell her, she'd think it was a joke or worse... She could think he was trying to save his own skin at the cost of hers. If she would die because he wasn't willing to sacrifice his love for her, he would never be able to forgive himself.

The next morning Morgana told her maid she felt ill and she really did feel ill but it was all because she feared Merlin didn't share her feelings. When they kissed, it had been so amazing, he had kissed back. She always thought of him as cute, modest and handsome but underneath it all was a passion she had never felt or even seen before. 'Yes' and 'no' were understandable answers but kissing her like that and then leaving without a word lefy her with only a bittersweet memory. Not knowing his mind confused her and she felt ill because of it.

Gwen didn't know what to think of the Lady's behaviour. At least with the dreams she knew what it was, she could say something, but this was so much more than a stomach ache. At one point during the day she thought it could've been because she didn't actually approve of her and Arthur but this would be overboard, even for Morgana. Morgana thought her absence would hopefully trigger a reaction from Merlin but when Arthur visited her, the manservant was nowhere to be seen.  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
"Nauseous." She lied.  
"Did you see Merlin today?" Arthur asked. She would've liked to see him as well but she wasn't going to let on something had happened.  
"How could I have seen him, I've been in my room all day. Did you lose him again?" She teased him.  
"No, he's polishing my armour. It's just..." Arthur wanted to talk about Merlin rather than talking to the man himself, something was up. She frowned a bit and he continued.  
"He's acting strange, stranger than usual."  
"Isn't that just Merlin?" She faked a smile.  
"No. Sir Leon found him on the battlements this morning, Gwen is the one who woke me."  
"Hasn't this happened before?" She hoped it had, that it wasn't her fault but her other half hoped it was, that she had moved him in some way, that he cared.  
"No, it hasn't. Something's bothering him and I can't imagine what it might be. I've barely given him any chores and I don't hear him complain." He shrugged.  
"Haven't you asked him?"  
"I tried to. The third time he almost struck me."  
"Struck you?"  
"It was during sword practice." He admitted with dented pride. Morgana rolled her eyes, even Arthur should know that was the wrong moment to ask.  
"And I brought you your sleeping draft." He said, putting the flask on the nightstand. _Oh Arthur, had I a sword..._ Now Merlin wouldn't need to visit her chambers to bring it, the one moment she was sure he would come.  
"Thank you, Arthur. Now if you don't mind..."  
"Of course. Get well soon."  
With the closing of the door she fell back onto her pillow. She had been keeping up appearances and Merlin had attacked Arthur, which wasn't like him at all. If he went on the way he had, people would know something was amiss. She would have to talk to him, this had to be dealt with.

That night she got dressed and went down to the physician's chambers. There was the risk she would run into Gaius but it would be well worth the risk. Thankfully the physician wasn't there. Merlin was sitting with his back towards her and didn't notice her entering, his minds elsewhere, probably with the book he was reading.  
"Merlin," He seemed a bit startled but only looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "we need to talk, Arthur said you're distracted."  
"He's being a prat again, that's all." He said.  
"So yesterday meant nothing?" She could see him flinch, it wasn't nothing. Hidden from her sight he gulped, yesterday meant everything to him. Time passed by. He didn't know what so say, how to discourage her without lying to her, he struggled to find the words. He didn't want to look like a coward but he was, he couldn't even face her. His back was still towards her and when she opened the door to leave, finally the words came to him.  
"Arthur and Gwen aren't always as happy as they might seem." He spoke truth. Merely the comparison, that he would compare them to Arthur and Gwen told her he _did_ feel for her. "There are times I can see how much it hurts him having to hide it from everyone and Gwen lives in fear of Uther forcing him to marry some princess, it's not a fairy tale." He said.  
"But we can try." She argued.  
"You're the king's ward-"  
"And Arthur's his son, did that stop Gwen?" She interrupted him. She wasn't heir to the throne, she wasn't the one Uther had set his hopes on.  
"So we'd look forward to what? Hiding in the shadows? Feeling our hearts jump at every sound? It's waiting for an accident to happen." He tried to discourage her but it didn't work.  
"I understand you're scared but I know you feel for me too and I can't give it up." She said. He felt cornered. She wanted to fight for it, she believed in their love whereas he tried to hide from it. He made his way to the door, he had to escape.  
"I've done it before and so can you." He muttered. She grabbed him by his jacket and pushed him up against the wall, she really wasn't going to give it up without a fight but she wasn't going to hurt him physically.  
"Before?" She asked. _What was 'before'? What happened 'before'?_ She looked into his eyes for answers but again he couldn't face the truth and averted his gaze.  
"When Arthur said he wanted to trade servants, I said yes because I thought I could deal with us just being friends." He said. _All this time._ She thought. He had helped her dress, he had comforted her, all the times his arm was around her, all this time he had restrained himself thinking it could never be. She forced her lips on his, she would make him see one way or another. But he didn't kiss back and turned his head away from her. She knew he loved her, knew he wanted to kiss her, but he wouldn't do it. She couldn't believe this was how it was going to be. A love forbidden, a love denied and all because of their standings. He always did the right thing, she always liked that about him, but why couldn't he see he was wrong? He broke the rules for the druid boy, he could've been killed for it, but he wouldn't break them for her, not even for love. She stormed out of the room, tears stinging her eyes.

Merlin slid down against the wall and he too began crying. His dream had become his nightmare, this wasn't what he wanted at all. It pained him to do this but he couldn't risk her accidentally revealing her magic, he would never forgive himself for that. He felt alone in the world and he couldn't reach out to the person he cared most about, fearing that love would turn to turmoil and haunt her for the rest of her life although that might have happened already.

Gwen heard a soft noise outside Morgana's room and went inside to see what was going on. The king's ward was crying in her bed. She was clutching one of her pillows whist another had been flung at the vanity. Whatever it was, it wasn't a nightmare. Gwen sat down on the edge of the bed and noticed she was wearing a green dress and not her nightgown. She softly put her hand on Morgana's shoulder.  
"Why won't he try?" Morgana sobbed. It was clear to Gwen this was about Merlin. The two had been acting strangely for a short while and one of them, hopefully just one of them, had gotten hurt. So what did he do to bring Morgana to tears?  
"He kissed back. He feels the same and still he won't, I don't understand." The Lady kept sobbing. Gwen felt sorry for her and wasn't sure anymore that it was Merlin that had done this to her. Surely Merlin wouldn't have denied her, Gwen had long since figured out he had feelings for her.  
"So you love him?" Gwen asked.  
"Yes." She sobbed.


	10. Seeing Reason

**AN:**

The two previous chapters seemed to have gotten to some of you which, to me, is a huge compliment.

* * *

**Seeing Reason**

The next morning Gwen rudely woke the young manservant by closing the door of his room with a bang  
"Arthur!" He cursed as he sat upright but quickly saw it was Gwen that woke him and she wasn't happy.  
"What happened last night?" Already her words were making his conscience acting up.  
"It's complicated."  
"I know it might be scary but-" Gwen began but Merlin was _not_ a chicken.  
"It's not that." He almost sneered."It's got _nothing _to do with that."  
"What is it then?"  
"I'm afraid I'll end up hurting her." Technically speaking that wasn't true, Uther would, but it was what it felt like to him.  
"You're a good person, Merlin." Gwen assured him.  
"No! It's... " It was frustrating for him not having someone who understood, ironically Morgana always did. "I can't tell you." He said, defeat clear in his voice.  
"You don't have to tell me but can't you tell her?" Gwen desperately wanted him to see reason.  
Could he? He never did know who's magic it was that made the vase tumble, had it even been magic?  
"It might make things even worse." He said.  
"Worse? Have you _seen_ her?" Gwen was shouting. Merlin knew Morgana wouldn't take it lightly and already figured it had been so bad she couldn't prevent Gwen from finding out.  
"She knows you love her and it's tearing her apart. She has a right to know." Gwen argued. He knew what that felt like, to be small, empty, alone and surrounded by the darkness.  
"Can you keep Arthur occupied?" He caved. Gwen's anger lessened by the fact Merlin seemed to have a plan already and nodded.  
"Tell Morgana to meet me at the grove." He said.  
"What grove? And why can't you just go to her room?" she asked confused.  
"She knows what grove and I have my reasons. Now get out, I have to dress." He said.  
"Fine, just don't stand her up." Merlin shot Gwen a look, _of course I won't_, and got dressed as soon as Gwen had left.

Merlin stood in the grove waiting for Morgana. It was time to man up and face his mistakes, the ones that led to Morgana's sorrow. He was thinking about what he should say when he heard a horse and someone dismounting. Gwen hadn't exaggerated, Morgana seemed paler than ever. She looked as though someone had died. It was nearing noon and still he could see the circles around her eyes from the tears she had cried. Had she slept at all? He could see her pain by the way she walked, so fragile, so afraid, what part of her hadn't he broken? He wanted to run to her, to embrace her, to save her, but his final fear kept him nailed to the ground. This was his last stand and it would be the crossroad between love and hate.  
"Gwen said you wanted to explain?" Her words were cold, she was trying to hide her feelings, but her voice was shaky.  
"Yes," He said hoarsely. "because I'm not scared of us getting caught." Morgana had felt that he hadn't spoken truth the day before because it made no sense, none whatsoever, and she was proven right. Merlin thought it must've sounded stupid but at least he wasn't hiding anymore and would speak his heart and mind.  
"There's something about me you don't know, even from Arthur and Gwen don't, and the thought of people finding out terrifies me." He said. Morgana wasn't sure what to think of that. Merlin kept secrets, that she knew, but what secrets were there besides the ones he kept for the three of them? Somewhere deep inside she felt afraid he might've belonged to someone else and not gotten over it, or that he was promised to someone still. He didn't already have a child somewhere, did he? Futher thoughts were cut off by Merlin's words.  
"If we're to be together then this is one secret you need to know. I wanted to hide it from you but it's your choice. You would understand more than anyone." She frowned at that, why would she understand more than anyone? He had said discovery was his worst nightmare but what was so dark he had to hide it and yet she would understand most? As for the choice, her mind was made up before the day had even begun.  
"I'm not giving up." She said. Nodding he took a few deep breaths. It both was and wasn't what he wanted. Already Morgana understood he was going to spill it.  
"Morgana, I..." This was it, the first time he would reveal his magic willingly. She had put her life on the line for his kind, she deserved to know more than anyone, she would understand more than anyone. When the words would pass his lips, would there be light at the end of the tunnel or would the darkness haunt him for the rest of his life? He had lied to her from the start, hiding his true nature from everyone but Gaius. Would it upset her enough to hate him, to be the woman scorned? Kilgharrah had said she would become his enemy and he should never tell her of his magic. "...have..." Was it destiny or choice? His mind clawed inside to find a way out, and there was. Kilgharrah had told him to kill Mordred because he was destined to kill Arthur. If that were true then why did Kilgharrah tell him to kill the boy? Could destiny be altered? But now he had to face his fears and hoped that in future he wouldn't have to do it alone, that she would stand beside him, that he could share his dreams with her and the nightmares fade away like a distant memory. "...magic." He finished and all was said and done.

No wonder he wanted to tell in the grove. Here they were far from Camelot, outside the walls of Uther's reign and in a place where they were free of ridiculous laws and prying eyes. She was alone with a sorcerer in a grove few people knew and now he had told her his greatest secret. For a moment she was scared but he seemed so much more afraid. This was him at his most vulnerable, entrusting her with the secret that could be his death sentence. She moved closer to him, thoughts, memories and emotions going through her mind. He had been living under their very noses for so long. She had fought for his kind, those with magic, for so long and none of them had given anything in return, all the did was try and kill the king. But now there was Merlin and he was everything she was fighting for and more. Different eyes looked at him, ones of admiration, wondering how much magic he had cast in the shadows of their darkest moments. He always seemed the lanky, clumsy manservant but underneath it all he was the knight in shining armour, just without the armour.  
"It's alright." She whispered. He slowly brought his head down to hers believing that although she might not be scared of him didn't mean she still loved him. Their lips joined and although the kiss itself wasn't special, it's meaning was far greater. This was the first time _he_ kissed _her_ and it was the start of something more. She broke the kiss before losing herself in it completely, she still needed to know.  
"So we're together?" She asked. His answer would bend the rules, his actions would break them and the sound of it would echo _"Forever."_

_**The End**_

* * *

**AN:**

And Gwen saved the day, sometimes all you need is a good friend.  
Also, I'm an absolute sucker for happy endings.  
Next chapter are Author Notes (credits, thanks and goodbyes).


	11. Author Notes

**Parting words**

_I write and hope I'll make you hate,  
I write and hope I will surprise,  
all of you endured the wait,  
knowing you liked it is my greatest prize._

**I'd like to thank:**

Everyone for reading  
Everyone who's faved and alerted for boosting my ego  
The reviewers for their support and feedback, they make me want to write most

**Special thanks go out to:**

**Duchess Emma:** For the comment that inspired me to do chapter 2's dress laces scene  
**Vegetables will have their revenge:** For reminding me the story could use some well-deserved Arthur/Gwen (done in chapter 4)

There might be a sequel, a Merlin/Morgana centered season 2 replacer (mostly adventure, minor romance).  
I'll try to surprise you with the same foes in different (as in AU) stories and completely new ones.

Until next time


	12. Sequel notification

Just wanted you to know I've uploaded the first chapter of the sequel to Stealing Servants, Stealing Hearts called "The Dream of Albion", it's an Adventure/Romance so we'll have both love _and_ violence (not at the same time, mind you).

**Summary:**

_Sequel to "Stealing servants, stealing hearts" but can be read by itself.  
Merlin and Morgana struggle with their newfound feelings but life goes on and it is still Merlin's destiny to protect Albion, but is it his destiny alone?  
AU Merlin/Morgana Arthur/Gwen_


End file.
